Strings

Warning : The following post may invoke spite or annoy sensitive readers.

I am now single…after a year and a half…shit, thats a long time! It feels kidogo strange having the option to do whatever the hell I want to do with no strings attached. Yeh, I could have done that before, but I’m faithful (no, really). If I’m committed, it is what it is, if I ain’t, I’ll tell you straight. I really don’t understand what’s so hard about that…ok, temptation is a bitch but really, self-control. The thing that eats at me is sitting on the f***in fence…If you want to hook up, do so, if not, kill the f***in story! There is no “I’ve been hurt before” or “I’m not sure this is the right time”! If you want something, get it, before someone else does, then you become a stalker…or the clande. Let m just lay it down:

If you want an exclusive relationship:

• BE FAITHFUL! This is the f***in point!
• Have fun, or th psyche will isha
• Understand each other. If talking works for you, go ahead…
• BE FAITHFUL!

If you want a f*** buddy:

• Actually want on, don’t do it for the sake of it(that’s really pissing off)
• Agree on boundaries. In most cases, kissing or confessing your eternal love is a no-no
• No emotional bullshit. AT ALL(Being high isn’t an excuse)
• Be safe. No strings attached includes bundles of joy and STDs…
• Be adventurous. Theres nothing worse than a f***-puppet that is stuck in gear one.

Lastly, if you want both:

1. Go find a room
2. F*** yourself

Any movement from one state to another requires the cancellation of services of the latter. No exceptions

I hope this clears up any discrepancies.

Drama

Drama…i now understand why it sell so much. People just love getting themselves into other peoples’ business. Last sato was such a day, as expected, its prom. I never saw this event to be a waste of time and money, as well as a headache. It used to be a dinner, then a disco, and whatever else you want it to be in-between…but now, it a compe for best dressed, best ride, most chapa (abas!) and all that other shit…and thats just the prom.

The ‘after party’ is where shit hits the fan; pints start going round, motions get high, and someone does something stupid. I on one hand was too sober to try anything, especially after bing bounced at the party (I’ve still not gotten over it…its like being frozen from BC!).To add insult to injury, people spice this shit up (sometimes its the people who f***things up who do this!), and by the end of the night there are 5 different stories about the same thing.

The sad thing is that this cycle repeats itself time and time again, yet these idiots don’t learn! Being one of these idiots, I carried myself with grace (lol) and avoided all the bull…or so i thought. Well shock on me, drama comes knocking my way with the salt and curry right at its heels. I really believe, next to a car crash, this is the fastest way to sober up. Yeh, not only was I waist deep in bullshit, I was also sober!

Its a good thing this shit only happens on  YOUR prom, otherwise…raving would be a wrap. Yanii, the night before I had MAD fun at another prom, which makes m bitter when I think of mine…Don’t get me wrong, ours was planned great, but its the detachment from the rest of the crowd that did it. So thats probably why I don’t like vibe of fikain a rave full of people you hang around with…and why I LOVE coasto oh so much!

enyewe, I should fika coast some time soon…

Sevens

Let me start with the idiots guide to sevens.

Why SAFARI? What is Kenya known for? mambo kwisha

Why seven? Count the number of guys on the field for each team…

Why Tusker? Do you honestly see Fanta Safari Sevens?

Why rugby? If you ever ask me this, i’ll officially discommunicate myself from you.

That done, last weekend was MAD!…ok, it could have been better if:

• Entrance wasn’t 6 sock. That 1200 has left my pockets feeling light
• It were a week later. My finals end on friday, and I had taken a vow of soberity(which I have kept…don’t give me those eyes), so I wen’t to TUSKER safari sevens without touching a tusker…apparently,due to that fact, I wasn’t attending sevens.
• It didn’t F***** rain! It was cool n all for the rugby, but when you know you javed here, you’re bila umbrella and there was supposed to be an open air concert…yeh.

Even so, sevens was MAD! Being Kenyan, I have to support Kenya. On sato, Kenya showed some tricks to the teams in its pool(Japan, Zambia and Morocco). We chapad Zambia quick-fast 29-14, then Morocco 50-5(LOL), then Japan 22-12. Japan had a MAD squad, from a jamaa who looked Fijian(Who we called Simba, given his brown hair) and twins, who had MAD pace!(One of which I called Hiro Nakamura…though I can’t remember which one). What made the game all that more interesting is that it rained…the hits look bigger, the stepping more effective(though harder). The only problem was that I was seated in Russia(Opposite the main stands…don’t lie, you didn’t know), which doesn’t have shade, so by the time I navigated round to Tusker(The main stands…ok,maybe that one), I was drenched…only to find the shade full…but it was worth it. 

Shujaa, the Kenya second team/youth team(average age is about 21) also played their hearts out, beating Tunisia 19-7 and Uganda 30-0 (LOL!!!), only losing to Mpumalanga 26-19. But the psyche these guys brought to the grounds…MAD! Yeh, the Kenya team had alot of support, but Shujaa…it was on another level…yanni, a boy of mine skiad the the MC say Biko Adema and the screams that followed…from Kile(he was high, so credibility…) Enyewe, Sato was MAD fun! then came the rain…

Sunday was ok…i mean, the rugby was better(especially the quins…what happened on sato?) Kenya seemed to have chokad, yani first half against Zim was deadly, then second…its like the didn’t want to run…(you should have seen how pissed guys were with this Weru character…ah, but they were drunk..) So Kenya lost 14-5 to Zim in semis. Shujaa, on the other hand, won the plate, (FAYEZOW!!) beating Mpumalanga 19-12 in the finals. So that was sunday…I don’t know what the organisers were thinking bringing forward the concert. Honestly, who fikas the hanye on Sunday?

I’m still dissapointed Fiji didn’t come…

Polite laugh

The past few weeks have been a quite…arduous. It seems that the world is conspiring to test my intelligence. Everything seems to be set out in a rube goldberg way, aggravating me into philosophy(strangely enough). Apart from that…

Rugby

I only regained interest in watching IRB sevens after hearing of the England defeat in Adelaide. Before that, I was content with just hearing about the games and reading the scores online. Then I watched the London leg, then the Scotland leg, now I’m dissapointed that we just started getting good at the end. I mean, had Kenya been playing the way we did in Scotland, in Dubai, we would probably be top 5 (ambitious? I think not). Yet most jamas I talk to about this say it’s just because Sudi joined late. The highlight would be the announcement that Fiji is going to attend Saf Sevens…I cannot put into words how dissapointed (read pissed)I am…enyewe, I have some MAD spite…which got me to thinking, why does it matter that much? ok, it FIJI, but Saf Sevens is about Kenya, and psyche and all that sh…do we really need some team to raise the profile of our tournament?

Exams

This year, I finally understood what it means to be raped by a paper…no, you don’t understand; you’ve read, your mindset is positive, you even have your lucky underwear on(don’t jump to conclusions now…), but still, there comes a question which ‘kimbo-slices’ you back to reality. All you can do is fill the page with synonyms and pray to God that the examiner is high when he marks your work…or someone else gets your mark(Physo…lol)

Women

ok then; woman. Commitment for a long time has been a foreign concept to me. It seemed like a terrible waste of life and breach of human rights. Enyewe, why would a guy give up his freedom, just to be with one girl, and undergo taming(If you don’t undergo this, she’s your bitch, not your girlfriend) just to keep her. This can range from a mere change in the way you approach her to the whip and leash.

I have now been enlightened to a concept(for over a year now…) only those who commit understand. Some call it love, others one-gina, but I simply see it as compatibility. When you meet someone you immedietely click with, that cool. When you meet someone who you click with for 2 years, there’s commitment. Yeh, you are commited to your friends…well, some of them at least. Ultimately, the more you commit to someone, the more you compromise for them, thus the whipping. However, you must ask yourself, do I mind compromising? If yeh, then you aren’t clicking as much as you thought you were are you?

Politics

…what, didn’t hear me the first time? Social Democracy…

Music

Can’t get John Legend’s ‘Save Room’ out of my head…save room for my love…

-

Strangely enough, I feel a wave of culture flow my way…I just might perform a raindance…no, I’m not high…

Politics…is there an upside?

The other day, a friend of mine was preaching’the gospel of Raila’; how he will “ressurect Kenya from its current state of anarchy…if Kenya were a person, it would be in code red!”…(…!) If i we are about to walk into the light, what the flip is Raila going to do about it? Say “Rambo bambo boom!” and turn us into a developed country? Is bilas…this MUST be said:

• There is NO way Kenya can become a developed country in the next 5 years of a presidents term (unless we adopt socialism…even then…)
• Raila is a POLITICIAN not a president/god/messiah! That means that his skills lie in charisma, networking and influence, not leadership. He would be much better suited as the head of CTU (Jack Bauer…lol)
• As soon as Raila is elected president( if he is, that is), it’ll probably be the last time you’ll hear of his dream. But hey, I could be wrong…

I’m not a fan of politics, primarily because I don’t see its purpose. As in, its supposed to be the process of making decisions for groups, but if the decisions are not representative of the group, the what for what reason do politicians exist? Ok, the role of the MP can be justified, but why are the ministers politicians? Wouldn’t it make more sense to hire skilled proffesionals? Money clearly isn’t an issue…it really makes no sense to have someone with a degree in marine biology spearheading the ministry of roads and public works.

Since power is the core of politics, I believe a set-up of social democracy is the way forward, from a reformist point of view.(Starting a revolution in Kenya is not a good idea…)

• Politics should be contained in parliament, the only politicians being the
  MPs.
• Ministerial posts should be held by qualified and experienced(in their field) proffesionals. Assistant ministers/permanent secretaries would be assigned privinces/districts(whichever is more efficient) where they will work with the MPs towards certain goals.
• MPs decide on a representative for their province; the provincial leaders act as a council, thus liquidating the president and VP posts.
• Each contituency is a comnunity in its own right, with the power to expel their MP if they fail to perform.

These changes will allow a gradual transition into a more socialist environment, which will greatly reduce poverty, insecurity(in a way…) and, being f***ed over by kleptocrat(…lol) politicians.

I know socialism has its flaws, but I really believe its better than capitalism. However, communism isn’t a plot either. In that sense I probably should have called my blog ‘Venture Libertarian’…scrap that.

All about the Money…(2)

In one way or another, undeserving songs hold the media’s attention, thus holding our attention ,and therefore wasting our time. Think back to the last time you heard a song that could have made no1 on (formerly)Y FM’s torture chamber(i miss Y). This is all due to the commercialisation of music. Just as China originally adopted the low cost, sweat shop production of low quality goods, music(read hip-hop) has taken a turn for the worse. Yanni they’ve diverted from the old school life in the ghetto, to ‘money, cars and b******’, a common slogan of the widespread materialistic culture of most cosmopolitan areas. SO when you bought that Lil Wayne album, did you want to hear about “the neck of the woods” or a Yamaha advert?(The way he says Yamaha jazzez me another style)

So, is today’s music all geared towards money and fame through marketing on a soundtrack? It seems so, but for many, music is art. The Red Hot Chilli Peppers always remind me this(they seem set to outdo their ‘By the Way’ album)with their more abstract videos. Many others still remain true to the expressionist sense of music, and not produce what i dub as ‘MUSical adVERTisements’ or ‘musiverts‘(Its sounds…). In my view, musiverts are destroying the music industry(particularly hip-hop). Unless they focus on more subtle or subliminal marketing, these musiverts will increasingly become more of advertisement, and less music. It will get to a point that music videos will be aired as commercials.

However, I do agree that any proffesion worth pursuing provides rewards worth the effort put in or more. Whether these rewards are monetary or not lies on the proffesional. However, when the proffesional compromises on their effort or the value of their service, in the aim of maximising their rewards, we the consumers, are being fleeced, thus we should initiate a change in the industry…embargo anyone?

Enyewe, radio listeners put up with alot of shit.

Kenyan Sport

Writing a blog during your finals really isn’t a good idea…yet I’m doing it. Why you ask?…really, i don’t know. Maybe its for the challenge, ama I’ve just had enough of chuo…or maybe I’ve just chizid. With Safari Sevens coming up, I really couldn’t give 2 shitaki mushrooms (its funny when Nessa says it…long storo) about chuo, but given that these r my finals…which got me to thinking; what makes Saf-Sevens stand out? Yanni, is rugby the only Kenyan sport?

It occured to me that there are only (Really) 3 sports that Kenya actually competes in(NO, volleyball isn’t a sport!). By this, I mean international acclaim.

First of these, and probably the most renowned, is long-distance running. This is Kenya’s only award winning sport (That one time we won world cup BANO doesn’t count) and is therefore part of our culture. We’ve become so good at it, we’ve become a commodity, packaged and showcased for ‘Sports Club’ countries like Qatar. Unfortunately, most Kenyans don’t even follow this great sport, let alone support our star athletes; ask yourself, since when do people wear Paul Tergat jerseys or Catherine Ndereba T-shirts?

Secondly, a sport we seem to be quite good in, but never get to the finals, is cricket. I don’t really like this sport as a whole, but as a Kenyan, I have to give these guys props(cricketers are MAD fit…you have no idea). By the way, cricket has MAD highlights! The crazy catches, the explosive wickets, the massive 6c…(If you are floating, you don’t know what you are missing!) but thats about it. I mean, if it were just 90 minutes long, it would be great, but this vibe for chillin a whole day in the sun isn’t cuttin.

Lastly, the MADDEST sport in Kenya, RUGBY! Yanni, rudge is always jazzin, regardless of the level its played(From Blackrock to Bamburi Super Series), regardless of the format (7s or 15s), yanni the country doesn’t matter!…ok, sum countries…I don’t know if Somalia has rudge…but, I mean! even if the game sucks, the crowd hypes thing up! Yeh, I’m MAD about rudge, supporter of both Kenya teams(Our 7s team is MAD) and Nondies(Yeh, I know…)

Though I’m dissapointed with our performance at Tangiers, I’m confident we’ll step up our game in London and especially in Saf-Sevens…though I gave up hope of 1st posi when I heard Fiji was fikain. FIJI! Enyewe, it was biting off a bit too much hoping to beat Samoa…but to beat Fiji as well…is bila. Its like Harambee Stars beating AC Milan(If Harambee Stars were like, Valencia)

That in mind, its too bad I can’t fika Rugby World Cup(In France, this year), I just hope Americans have good coverage…

All about the Money…

Remakes of great musical hits rarely make waves in the charts, if at all; neither do adaptations, rip-offs etc

Then why in your right mind would you make one in the first place? No-one really gives a flip about a ‘Scrub’ remix done by a tune deaf jamaican mam, so why do these people make this rubbish? For the money.

Whether you like it or not, you will here or talk about such songs due to the contrast with its original. This creates a hype around an artist and a song that was probably created in the time it took you to read this much of the post. This hype, in one way or another, increases traffic to associated media, thus creating revenue. From the artists perspective, they now have an image: if the song was a hit, celeb status calls, but if it was a collosal flop,well…they can only get better right?

Afro-Fusion/Soul

Since ‘Jazz in the Park’, an event by Kijani(I believe), I have been an avid fan of all music ‘Afro’. In particular, Afro-Soul is exquisite, carrying a wholesome depth of lyrics while maintaining an African(Kenyan even) flair. I thought Neo-Soul was my cup of tea,then, I heard Carol Atemi… All i can say is that she made me sooo happy!(MAD props) Not to say that the other artists weren’t amazing(Juliet Opondo was MAD!) but, Carol…

During ’Jazz in the Park’, I realised the stark contrast between artists and performers. More specifically, the instrumentalists, the vocalists and…the Tusker fame trio. I’m not saying that they sucked, but they seemed to be dwarfed by the performances of the other artists. I personally believe that those three(more so Valerie) are more suited as performers than as artists. Their future(in my view) would be brighter in media, as they would capitalise on their talents, such as Gaetano(Big Brother)…

I’m not acquainted with the origins of Afro-Fusion, but the amalgamation of such different genres allows for a niche, which is in its infancy. But really, Carol Atemi’s “Happy” has really made an impression on me. She has also brought to light the fact that music retail in this field is virtually(correct me if i’m wrong) non-existent. Even the ONLY site i’ve found that sells Kenyan music, didn’t sell her track. They didn’t even have Jua Cali’s “Sekta” album! But on the real, how would someone outside Kenya buy a Harry Kimani Album? How about lesser known artists such as Aaron Rimbui? Such talented artists can’t properly capitalise within the country due to(lack of) copyright enforcement, and they can’t out side Kenya due to lack of means.

I am delighted though, to listen to ‘Soul Lounge’ whenever possible, though I feel I could do with more non-Genge Kenyan music on radio; but hey, I’m most probably a minority in that aspect, so I might as well give up that dream.

Fear

i’m in prep right now,
ponderin to myself how it is something relatively unintimidating can cause such great fear.
In this case it happens to be these..urm…Flying termites(weh, i don’t know what they’re called).
In my view, they are equivelant to flying omena;
harmless and tasty(to most).
However, take 100 of these…termites(c u tell me what they are called) in a library and voila! recipie for chaos.
Take for example, just a few minutes ago, an individual i won’t name(u owe me one) was quite readily minding their work, when all of a sudden one of these..termites(*dramtic pause*) planted itself on her face,
causing her frantic attempt to smite the…termite.
However, during this spontaneous effort, she seemed to be so perterbed that she cut the cheese (is there a diplomatic term that doesnt make me sound like a toff?). yeh, we all laughed (U GUY!), but what caught my attention is how for that moment, these TERMITES ceased to exist.
Why is it that in the height of emotion, we filter out all the nonsensical disturbances around us, but as soon as the emotion passes, what we didn’t give a flip about takes centre stage?
Do we overly amplify issues? and if we do, why?
So i began to be all philosophical wonderin why we fear a large number of such insignificant beings. Can they really make an impact?
Yanni, I pictured myself with a whole plate of Nyam-Chom before me.
Would I be detered by a single fly? hell no!
But by 100?…
I better leave it there before I chizi…